Uncategorized

How Long, LORD?

  Sand surrounds water’s end with land’s beginning, Trees dip roots, branches into cool, flowing water, Small ripples break surface glistening in summer’s sun, Welcoming visitors into caressing embrace, How long, LORD? How long?   Underneath invitation, creation’s wildness rages, Imploding with thirty, forty, fifty mile force, Swift, powerful, rapid, Grabbing, pulling, clenching, Sucking breath… Continue reading How Long, LORD?

Advent, Christmas, Faith, Uncategorized

Adoration

  O come, let us adore him, O come, let us adore him, O come, let us adore him, Christ the LORD!   Hymn sung each Christmas Eve in our worship tradition. Words riding on melody soaring into rafter beams. Organ pulling out celebratory stops. Chords supporting voices in singing as one voice, one body.… Continue reading Adoration

Faith, Grief, Healing, Uncategorized

Wide Water

  Heart heavy again. New wounds and disappointments added to still simmering old ones. Hard to see all the healing I've done through my sad haze. Cry for an entire hour on my therapist's couch. Marit, my clinician, tilting her head a bit to one side. Her eyes teary wet as well. Offering me phone… Continue reading Wide Water

Grief, Uncategorized

Flushing

For weeks last fall my toilet was a manual affair. Requiring more interaction than desired. Cover off. Splayed on the chair next to the towel rack. Displaying the inner workings of this most necessary of household contraptions. Mineral deposits dripping like sand inside the tank. Gurgling loudly without porcelain quieting its function. Running on at… Continue reading Flushing

Faith, Grief, Uncategorized

Easter Understanding

Sitting in a church pew Easter Sunday. Seats at a premium this morning. Finding space third row from the Baptismal font.  On the right almost under the organ pipes. Swarms surround us. Decked out in Spring's cold glory. Small limbs buzzing from early morning chocolate bunnies. Syrupy smells poured over church-basement pancakes wafting up sanctuary… Continue reading Easter Understanding

Grief, Trauma recovery, Uncategorized

Feeling Good Feeling Guilty

  My friend, a pastor of many years and talents, told me something. Wisdom strongly spoken in soft words. Repeated a minimum of three times. Three times I remember in the intense aftermath of Tony's death. Each time sitting on our front stoop in widow's black. Away from despair's chaos. Smashing the phone against my… Continue reading Feeling Good Feeling Guilty

Grief, Uncategorized

March 13, 2018

Stomach flips. Throat clenches. Tears sprout. Heart hurts. Upon waking my body knows. Nineteen months today. Before the house wakes, walking a path. Beating the searing sun. Morning breeze caressing my face. Following steps strolled when we were an us. Heads bent in discussion. Sometimes holding hands. Small moments alone. Life full of others, loved… Continue reading March 13, 2018

Faith, Grief, Uncategorized

Love

When it came time for our oldest son to attend Sunday School, I balked. My late husband was no help. The concept of Sunday School, a foreign affair. Tony being a product of parochial school. In his mind, we simply attended worship on Sunday. Religious education taken over by nuns during the week. Except there… Continue reading Love

Faith, Grief, Trauma, Uncategorized

A Chain of Seemingly Small Moments

My toes uncurl slowly under the warmth of a spotlessly white duvet. Oxygen finds its way down into my churning stomach continuing onward into my clenched calves. My shoulders gradually melt, freeing my neck for the first time in hours. It's been a long day. The day began well and according to plan: write, pack,… Continue reading A Chain of Seemingly Small Moments

Faith, Grief, Uncategorized

A Dream Full of Grace

The other day my therapist shared something with me. In her opinion, I am most likely done with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. EMDR is a therapeutic intervention method used to realign the brain after a traumatic event. The method stops the reeking of emotional havoc occurring as the brain continually tries to make… Continue reading A Dream Full of Grace